This is true: I know because this is how I speak french. People are routinely astonished when I open my mouth and out pours the speech of a cheap hooker. (For what it’s worth, I suppose this means that I don’t look like a cheap hooker.)
——Start of Forwarded Message ———
From: jfa <___ @videotron.ca>
Subject: Dictionnaire Anglais-QuebecoisAnglais – Quebecois
[note to my anglo friends: the french side must be pronounced with the french pronounciation. As an example, “don” pronounces without closing the final ‘n’ and the french A is open as in ‘ah.’ But surely you know all about that. he he :-) ]Well there you go. – Ben coudon.
I don’t believe it. – Ben wéyon don.
What’s new. – Pis.
Check that out. – Gar.
Look at her. – Gar la.
Look at him. – Gar lé.
What? – Kossé.
What? – Hein.
Do you believe me. – Tume crétu.
Do you think I care. – Quesse tuveux ksam fasse.
Only – Yinque.
With that. – Aickssa.
Really wet. – Trempalavet.
Me and You. – Moé Toé.
I’m gonna yell at him. – J’ma y parler dans’l’casse.
I’m gonna beat him up. – J’ma yarranger l’cadran.
You’re kidding me. – Vatendon.
It stinks. – Sassen chorogne.
I was scared. – Jéu n chienne.
Get out of there. – Aute toé dela.
What are you doing. – Kesse tufai.
I’m spaced out. – Chudanlune.
Right there. – Drette la.
Don’t go out of your way. – Bawd tazempa.
Let’s say. – Meton.
Can you believe it? -Tatu d’javusa.
Move your ass. – Anweille.
It looks that way. – Sadlairasah.
I tell you. – Chtedi.
I am so confused. – Chtout fourré.
I am so tired. – J’coigne des clou.
Look at that guy. – Chek moilédon.
Get lost. – Dégosse.
A fat whore. – Grosse torche.
A lot of trouble. – Un siau’d’marde.
It’s because. – Stacose.
Anyways. – Antéka.
That’s enough. – Sta cé.
See you later. – Woère talleur.
Relax. – Cammtoué.
Damn. – Viarge.
She’s crying. – A braille.
Make believe. – Fairacraire.
He has bad breath. – Y pudanyeul.
[originally transmitted by e-mail November 22, 2002]