Pepe has his final appointment at 14h40 on August 4th. The receptionist at the clinic offered me the choice of two vets, both of whom I like, so I told her to choose whichever one coped best with performing euthanasia. “It’s hard on both of them.”
Yeah, I figured as much. That’s why I had been kind of hoping it would be the vet I like less.
I’m ok with it. I’ve been reviewing my dates and I think he’s 15 years old. It’s just hard getting the balance right: you don’t want to drag an animal’s life out with indefinite suffering, but if the only goal is to spare suffering you might as well drown them at birth.
Of course it’s going to upset me more than I think, but I’ll worry about that when I get there.
Next decision: shall we spend our weekend digging a nice deep hole in the back yard?
Oh Alison. What a very good life you’ve given him. You 3 will be in my thoughts. xo
Comment by ina — Monday, August 3rd, 2009 @ 12:21
I said this privately but decided to post this for later on, in case you lose it, in case you are sad again, some years in the future.
Alison, I wish I could do or say something that would bring you comfort. I’m sorry my friend. I would run your bath, scrub your back, bring you a glass of wine, food, anything, anything at all. I would towel you dry, in little bits. Brush your hair for you, softly, gently. I would hold you as you weep and cry with you.
And for Marc too. I would bustle about, succor for you both. I know no other way.
Comment by kathleen — Tuesday, August 4th, 2009 @ 19:14
Thank you so much Kathleen. That is really beautiful, and I will hang on to your words.
I will keep them for a time when I am sad and without comfort. Right now I am feeling the lightness of heart that comes with the knowledge of a job well done.
Hugs and kisses!
Comment by alison — Wednesday, August 5th, 2009 @ 06:43